Battle #10: Goku VS Thomas

Battle Arena Nintendo

Announcer #1: Welcome to the first episode of poorly dubbed and adapted Battle Arena Nintendo: Oriental Version! So many Hiyahs your throat will bleed!

Announcer #2: Weak man, just weak.

Announcer #1: Hey, you try to come with funny material, Android.

Announcer #2: Today, the world's strongest guys fight. Goku, the strongest kid in the world from Dragon Ball and Thomas, hero from Kung Fu. Ringside now:

Goku: I'm so excited to fight such a strong opponent, even if my voice will always sound like a girl's, even when I'm grown up.

Nora: Goku, we should be searching for the Dragon Balls.

Goku: Why, Bulma?

Nora: Who's Bulma?

Goku: Anata wa desu.(oops, we forgot to translate the Japanese)

Nora: No, I'm Nora.

Goku: No, you're Bulma, the blue-haired girl.

Nora: Hm. I think you're right but I'm confused with the bad production of Dragon Power by Bandai which messed up our names. Hey, where's your tail?

Goku: Oh my God! My tail's missing! Why did the programmers remove my tail? and my hair! Good Lord, what did they do to my hair!?

Piggy: Shouldn't I be named Oolong? and why do I never transform in Dragon Ball Z?

Thomas (to Nora): Sylvia!

Nora: Huh?

Thomas: Sylvia. Save Sylvia from Mr. X!! (To Goku): Die Mr. X!!!

Goku: But I'm not Mr. X!

Nora: Look, I think we've got all our names mixed-up and we're all very tired...

Thomas: WAAA!!! (punches Goku in the face) Ah! it's like hitting steel!

Goku: KAME-HAME-HA!!! (nothing happens) What's wrong?

Nora: Son-kun, you're trapped within the rules of Dragon Power.

Goku (scratches head): What does that mean?

Nora: It means you can only punch and kick very slowly and you will be killed easily by your enemies.

Goku: I don't like these rules...

Thomas: FACEsa-KICKa-ATTACKa!

Pigey: It's so funny when they say their attacks in English.

Green Man: Die Son!

All: AH! DEMON KING PICCOLO!!! How are you here?

Nora: I know, all this has been messed up by Trunks time-traveling in the past.

Goku: Trunks?

Nora: Never mind, Goku. Try your special attacks now.

Goku: Ok. KAME-HAME-HA!!! (blue energy explodes through Thomas)

Thomas: sizzle... sizzle...

Goku: I took off his head... did I do something wrong?

Nora: No, you were great. Would you like to take a bath now?

Goku: Hai! (takes off clothes)

GRATUITOUS MALE NUDITY!!!

Announcer #1: Goku, now that you have defeated Thomas, what are you going to do now?

Goku: I'm going to smoke pot and acid and then write the lyrics to Zenkai Power!

What We Have Learned Today:

The magical world of Dragon Ball, that's just fucked up, man.