Battle Arena Nintendo:

Battle #13: Irene Lew VS Link

Announcer #1:  Welcome back to Battle Arena Nintendo: You'll be coughing up so much blood you'll swear you have the consumption! (tm)

#18: Whatever.

Announcer #1: I'd like to introduce our new Android Announcer to Battle Arena Nintendo, #18!

#18: Hi!

Announcer #1: As you recall, I took out that son-of-a-bitch Announcer #2 with some Wicken shit in the last episode, and now I have the beautiful, hot, #18.

#18: That's right, and if you touch my breasts you die.

Announcer #1: {puts his arm around #18} Ain't she a sweet one, folks!?

#18: damn...IT!!!

POW!!!

#18: While Announcer #1 is trying to locate his reproductive organs, I'll inform the audience about that the match. Tonight, CIA operative and occasional shag-partner of Ryu Hayabusa, Irene Lew, will attempt to eliminate the elvin hero of Hyrule, Link, whom she believes is involved in a plot to destroy the world.

Link: Where's Princess Zelda?

Irene: Tell me what you know about the alluminati!

Link: I don't know anything about that.

Irene: A likely story! I have your precious Zelda, and if you don't want to see her brains on the floor, you'll hand over the demon statute now!!!

Link: You speak in riddles, AND you have Zelda; you must be one of Ganon's vile monsters from the Underworld! eat sword power!

{fires sword beams, hitting Irene. Irene falls to her knees.}

Irene: How could you attack me; I'm a woman!

#18: That just lowered the glass ceiling a foot.

{Irene smiles to herself and locks her gun.}

Irene: DIE!!! {She fires a few shots at Link, who blocks all the bullets with with sword.}

Link: Thank you, Super Smash Bros.

Irene: You know, Link, I've decided that maybe violence isn't the way to go at this...

Link: It's not?

{Irene walks up to Link and kneels down to his height. She smiles.}

Irene: Maybe you'd be more receptive to an alternate form of persuasion... I've always wondered whether you wore anything under that tunic {undoes Link's belt.}

Link: Huh?

{Irene starts giving Link a blow job.}

#18: OH MY GOD, YOU WHORE!!! LINK, SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

Link {his eyes are rolled back in his head}: uhhhh...

Ryu: DIE! {falls from the sky and slashes Link with Dragon Sword}

Irene: Thanks, Ryu. I always need a big, STRONG man to come rescue me.

#18: grrr...

Ryu: I can't believe you had sex with him.

Irene: I'm a spy; I do what I have to.

{Ryu gaps for air}

Ryu: Irene, do you notice a large, silver arrow perturding my chest? uhhh... {collapses}

Princess Zelda: Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to aim for the heart but looks like I got nothing but ribs. Now give me back my fiancé, you bitch, we're supposed to get married and my self-worth determines on what husband I marry.

{#18 enters the Ring.}

#18: I can't take it any more!!!

Announcer #1: Uh-oh, I'm getting my ass outta here.

#18: Both of you are a disgrace to women, always waiting for your BOYFRIENDS to come save you, measuring your lives by them, using your status as a woman to defeat men.

Irene: So?

#18: Your actions degrade women everywhere.

Irene: I plan on marrying a rich husband.

#18: DAMNIT!!! {fires a laser beam through Ryu's and Link's hearts.}

Princess Zelda: You've ruined my wedding night; I'm going to cry. WAAA!!!

#18: I CAN'T LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE PUSSIES LIKE YOU EXIST. I HAVE A BOMB INSIDE OF ME AND I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU ALL WITH ME TO HELL!!!

Princess Zelda: Wait! Don't you remember, I was very pro-femenist in The Legend of Zelda Cartoon series!

#18{hits her chest and glows white.}: PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO PRAY TO WHATEVER HIGHER BEING OR DIETY YOU BELIEVE IN; IT'S JUDGEMENT DAY!!!

A thousand screams, and then everything is silent.

What We Have Learned Tonight

Never piss off a bitch with thermonuclear weapons.