Battle Arena Nintendo
Battle #14: Mega Man VS Kid Icarus
Announcer #1: Welcome to another tired and painfully hacked episode of Battle Arena Nintendo, we change the Celebrity Death Match of yesterday into the Battle Arena Nintendo of today. Since #18 had a bit of a nuclear PMS meltdown in the last episode, we got a new stadium and a new feature, the special guest announcer! Our first announcer today will be a boy who's universally either worshipped or hated, Tajiri Satoshi, or as Americans know him, Ash Ketchum!
Ash: Hi!
Announcer #1: Tonight's fight will be a heated battle against two worthy foes, Mega Man and Kid Icarus. Mega Man has already blown up Battle Arena Nintendo before, and Kid Icarus is a newbie, but he'll adjust to the horrors of wholesale carnage soon enough. Furthermore, these guys are fighting over who was the biggest smallest character on Captain N: The Game Master and... yes, what is it?
Ash: Are those things Pokémon?
Announcer #1: No.
Ash: OK, because they looks really powerful and I'm sure they have special attacks and this is so exciting and...
Announcer #1: They aren't Pokémon, kid.
Ash: Are you sure, my manager said I would be giving expert commentary on a Pokémon Battle.
Announcer #1: Oh God, it's going to be a long night...
Mega Man: I'd just like you to know, Kid, that I bear no animosity towards you; I'm just the victim of a cruel, unseen, slave master.
Kid Icarus: Don't call me Kid; my name is Pit! I hate it when people make fun of my diminutive stature!
Mega Man: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Isn't the politically correct term dwarf, or is that the other way around?
Kid Icarus: DIE!!! {shoots arrows}
Ash: Wow, I've never seen a Pokémon that looks like an angel and shoots arrows before. I'll call that one Super Shot Slicer!!!
Announcer #1: Kill me, kill me now.
Mega Man: I think that may have damaged my circuitry a bit. Why are you so tiny, Kid Icarus?
Kid Icarus: Damnit! I can't grow an inch until I have consenual sexual intercourse with a human or goddess female.
Ash: Hey #1, what's consenual sexual intercourse, is it a training technique?
Announcer #1: Don't bother me, I'm trying to overdose or cocaine and alcohol, anything to make this stop.
Kid Icarus: Hey Ash, could you hook me up with Misty after the fight? I'm sure she could make me a man!!!
Ash: Um, I don't know what you mean, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind.
{Laser beam crispy fires Icarus}
Mega Man: Ouch! Those three laws really bitch, but I can't end this insanity non-violently...
Kid Icarus: Hey Mega shrimp, pretend I'm Whitney Houston, hit me again, Bobby!
{Mega Man shoots, but Icarus blocks deflects it with the mirror and the bolt takes out a chuck of the audience}
Announcer #1: Let the gratuitous bystander body count commence!
Ash: What's wrong with those people, did they get knocked out?
Announcer #1: THEY DIED, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU LITTLE FREAK! WHAT IS GOD'S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Ash: I'm sorry. But what's death?
Announcer #1: AHHHHH!!!!! WHY ISN'T THERE A WINDOW I CAN JUMP OUT OF!?
Mega Man: Pit, this senseless killing is pointless. Let's make love, not war.
Kid Icarus: Love, you mean I should have sex with an android?
Mega Man: Of course, I'm sure Dr. Light could rebuild #18.
Kid Icarus: And I've always wanted to have a threesome with you and Link!!!
Mega Man: OK, let me just warn you, sex with robots is very mechnical...
Both: HAHAHAHA... (they walk away}
Announcer #1: Thank Sweet Jesus thank over.
Ash: Who's Jesus?
Announcer #1: Need gun... need gun...
Misty: Hi, Ash! Did you have a good time?
Ash: Yeah! Hey, Misty, what's sex?
Misty: I'll show you tonight, Ashy-boy...
What We Have Learned Tonight
Sex bots- the future of the porn industry.