Battle Arena Nintendo

Battle #15: Freddy Kruger VS Jessica Rabbit

Announcer #1: Welcome to another sexually charged episode of Battle Arena Nintendo: so much fornication, we won't need to send you an angel... right now TM.

Pikachu: Chu! Pi ka pi chu! {Whad up, Bitch! Dis Battle Arena Mofo be da fucking shit, ya hear!}

Announcer #1: As you might have guessed, tonight's special guest announcer is the adorable Nintendo Flagship Pokémon, Pikachu.Why don't you tell us about how Ash and Misty's evening went yesterday?

Pikachu: Pi pi ka chu! Ka pi chu, pi pi pi, pi chu ka pi pi ka chu! {YEAHHHH. so, I'm gettin' n'er this round shit dog HIER SOIEZ when da hot hooker whore bitch Misty orders her boy toy playmate Ash to strip, and I'm like DAMN WOMAN, you gotta be only 13 hoe niggar. fast worker. Anyez, dem hoochi actually take Ashy-boy by grabbing his THIRD hand to da fuck-o-rama bed of theirz. And so, I'z a coming in when theyz takin' turns pushes un other up and down, be dem nekkid and Ash seyz b'ween the moanin' da this big ass only improving upper-arm strength. YEAHHHH... no shit! so, I'z be feedin' that fenseless Togapei when my find when dat hoe leaves ta piss, Ash grabs her booty and they'z go da it AGAIN! No shit, that bitch can't fill the pit 'ween her legs, fuck.}

Announcer #1: O....K..., well, I'm sure that behavior must be legal in Japan. Uh... God! that's disturbing. Anyway, Freddy Krugger, that weird homocidal pervert who kills oversexed teenagers has finally set his sights on the most beautiful disproportionaly animated woman of all time, Jessica Rabbit.

Freddy: I'm going to father your Dream Child.

Jessica: Well, you're welcome to try, but my internal organs are protected by Roger's ACME affair lock 2000 feet of stainless steel. I don't think you're man enough to penetrate.

Freddy: Uh, here. I put a rose on the ground for you.

Jessica: I love roses!!! {jumps from stage}

{Freddy slashes with claw, rips away Jessica's left strap plus cuts her.}

Jessica: You bastard! {slaps Freddy's face and his head spins around faster than Linda Blair's} Do you have ANY idea how much I spend on plastic surgery!!!

Freddy: I knew I should'nt have touched the bitch's makeup...

Jessica: Now I'm pissed. Before I kill, you I just want to let you know I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.

Freddy: And I'm not evil, I'm just imagined that way.

Jessica: Hiyah! {knees Freddy in the balls.}

Freddy: That would have hurt, if they weren't already burned beyond recognition by the fire. Besides, I have a secret weapon, the NES 4 Score. And I will put the SCORE in it.

Jessica: You wouldn't. Robert Enguland's penis is older than the hills. If you tried to control me, the sheer shock of seeing me nude would make it fall off, and the vigorous thrusting would make sure you couldn't have children.

Freddy: I don't think so, I've seen the laserdisc version. NOW I'M PLAYING WITH POWER!!!

Jessica: You asked for it... {clamps her thighs on Freddy's head.}

Freddy: Is this your idea of giving head?

Jessica: You know, I really need something to replace my Thigh Master, I've broken my last three. {squeezes, Freddy's head explodes under the 999 Gs pressure.}

Freddy: I'll be back.. I'M THE DREAM MASTER!!!

Jessica: No, I am the strongest, THE WET-DREAM MASTER!!!

What We Have Learned Tonight

Teenager + sex = teenager getting murdered in lame-ass horror film.