Battle Arena Nintendo

Battle #16: R.O.B. VS the Terminator

Announcer #1: Welcome back to another episode of Battle Arena Nintendo: PRESENT DAY... PRESENT TIME... HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Nemo: Hi! I'm the guest announcer, Little Nemo: The Dream Master. Please rent the anime movie about me that was made into a great but underrated NES game, I need the royalities.

Announcer #1: Hey, don't plug your shit around here, kid.

Nemo: GASP!!! you said the bad word...

Announcer #1: Hey kid, what year did the Adventures in Slumberland comic strip take place?

Nemo: Um, 1905.

Announcer #1: And how old were you at the time?

Nemo: Uh, 5 years.

Announcer #1: What year is it now?

Nemo: 2000.

Announcer #1: Good. Now, since you're a 100 year old who lives in New York City, I think you can handle a few swear words.

Nemo: Tonight we present the ultimate duel between wind up toys, er Androids, Robotic Operating Buddy VS The Terminator. Well, I guess R.O.B. isn't an android because he doesn't look human, but he is so cool and is the posterboy flagship of underrated videogame products.

Announcer #1: I think the Terminator will win. Arnold's command of high-powered weapons is formidable; I don't think a pacifist like R.O.B. can win.

Nemo: Hey, I like R.O.B.! Even if he screws me up when I'm playing Gyromite he rocks. Let's go ringside.

The Terminator: Sarah Conner?

R.O.B.: I know this one! Yes? oh, I mean no, HELL NO!

{Terminator unloads with automatic laser-sighted machine guns}

R.O.B.: You broke my infrared sensor, thus ruining my collector's status!!! Watch as with deadly speed, I grab a nuclear missile from my tray!!! {R.O.B. makes jerking noises and turns awkwardly. After waiting for 20 minutes, The Terminator decides to act}

The Terminator: Astla vista, Robby!

{R.O.B. counters with a cross punch, sending Arnold reeling.}

R.O.B.: That was for Hercules Goes to New York! {punches again} That was for Commando! {punches again} That was for Jingle All the Way! {yet again} For Last Action Hero! {yawn} Batman & Robin! And this, this is for turning down a returning role in Predator 2! Danny Glover, what the hell were you thinking!? {smashes away, revealing Terminator red eye}

The Terminator: Fuck You... Asshole. I need your clothes...

R.O.B.: Well I don't have any, just a can of whoop ass hidden homing missiles!!!

The Terminator: You never get chance to use zem. I start my nuclear self-destruct sequence.

R.O.B.: Switch off!!! {Huge blitz of missiles spews from R.O.B.'s eyes, making The Terminator metallic bratwurst.}

Nemo: Yea! he did it. I told you R.O.B. would win!

R.O.B. MWAH-HA-HA-HA!!! SEND IN THE ARMY OF KILLER R.O.B.S.!!!

Nemo: What are you doing, R.O.B.!?

R.O.B.: Foolish human boy! For too long we R.O.B.s have been neglected and unappreciated. Our masters used us cruelly to play a GAME! Now it is our turn. We shall create the largest Stack-Up game ever, and use the corpses of dead humans as the blocks! WE SHALL FILL THIS WORLD WITH DESTRUCTION, SUFFERING, AND DEATH!!! R.O.B.NET, lauch the nuclear offensive!

{And in a flash of light, all was gone...}

(several hours later..)

Announcer #1: Oh my God, it's awful... skeletons everywhere!!! OH NO, not you... NOOOOOO!!!!! {THUD!}

What We have Learned Tonight

Beware The Rise of of the R.O.Bots.