Battle Arena Nintendo

Battle #19: Dirty Harry VS Mother Brain

Announcer #1: Welcome to another decedent episode of Battle Arena Nintendo. We are eager to corrupt America's youth with endless sex, nudity, swearing, and most course, violence. Watch us now on our biggest carriers: Fox Family Channel and PAX!!! Due to an employee strike because of low wages and lack of cheese danishes, there will be no guest announcer this week. Hey, I'm Union!!! I'm outta here, BYE!

Mother Brain: Mother Brain'll get ya, little princess, MWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Dirty Harry: Are you questioning my manhood?

MB: Yes, a petty WHITE boy little you cannot match the power of my awesome NEGRO brain!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

DH: Nobody questions my manhood. Go back to your ghetto urban housing project and drink some malt liquor while your pimp whores you out. Before I do something really nasty to you.

MB: Oh, I'll do whatever you say Captain Nitwit!

DH: Look, it's obvious you're in the wrong script. This is not "Captain N: The Game Master," of which this fine website's owner has all of the episodes. (SHAMELESS PLUG FOR DISTRO)

MB: What, I said WHAT is the rule around here: don't plug your shit! Now I will fry your white devil ass with my lasers.

DH (pulls out magnum .357): I know what you're thinking. You think you can pull out that pee shooter and fry my body in subatomic particles and then destroy the N team and Samus Aran and rule the Galaxy forever with tour armies of cloned Metroid vampires. Well then, you've gotta ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky. Well, do ya, punk?

{Mother Brain crispy fires Dirty Harry}

MB: Yes, I do. MWAH-HAHAHAHAHA!!! That what you deserve for having a game where I the player has to search building endlessly!

DH: That may be so, but you forgot, SISTER, that I'm the hero, and I have not one, but three lives.

MB: NO!

DH: That, and... (pulls out bazooka) I happen to have a little hand cannon here.

MB: Can't we work this out peacefully.

DH: Yes, go ahead. Make my day. {presses trigger. CAMERA: switch to footage of atomic bomb exploding}

What We have Learned Tonight

WHASSUP!!!

It's all about the Matrices, Baby.