Battle Arena Nintendo
Battle #2: Mega Man VS Space Harrier
Announcer #1: Hello, carnage fans! Welcome back to Battle Arena Nintendo: So much gratuitous violence your brain might explode!!! (tm)
Announcer #2: And this time, we have the two Masters of Plasma Power, Mega Man VS. Space Harrier. Both use ultra-powerful plasma lasers to spread the remains of their enemies across all seven continents; Mega Man, with the mighty Mega Buster, and Space Harrier, with The Big Fucking Laser Gun!!! And it's looks like Mega Man has entered the Arena; let the massive destruction commence!
Mega Man: Wish me luck everybody. But wait! {looks around} where's Space Harrier?
The wind rustles; suddenly a sonic boom rips through the stadium, deafening the crowd. Space Harrier runs into the arena!
Voice: Welcome to the Fantasy Zone, get ready!!!
Mega Man: Welcome to this fantasy zone... of pain! {shoots Mega Buster}
Space Harrier {is hit, fall down}: ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Voice: Get ready!
{Space Harrier gets up}
Mega Man: Not possible! Not even a scratch...
Space Harrier: Allow me to retort. {fires a gigantic ball o' destruction. Mega Man leaps out of the way, and the blast smashes into the audience, taking out a chuck of the stadium.}
Announcer #1: Oh My God! Space Harrier just wiped-out 10,000 fans and a third of the stadium! DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT THAT'LL COST TO RENOVATE!?
Mega Man: Whoa! I can't believe you just did that. I getting... so... angry...{seaming with hate, Mega Man powers up the Mega Buster}
Space Harrier: Watch out, little buddy, your voice sounds like an eight-year-old japanese girl. {laughs mildly}
Mega Man: ... Must switch to the American cartoon, voice, wasn't it the same guy who did Goku? {blinks} OK, time for action! {fires dual Mega Buster; but, Space Harrier cancels them out with his own blast, and starts running at Mega Man} Hah! Watch what I learned from Marvel VS. Capcom! {gives a roundhouse kick to Space Harrier, stopping him dead in his tracks}
Space Harrier: ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Voice: Get ready!
{Space Harrier gets up}
Mega Man: What! Who... who the heck are you?
Space Harrier: {shrugs} Sega never gave me much of a background story, but at least I can say cuss words like hell.
Mega Man: Ooo' DARN YOU, DR. RIGHT!!!
{Space Harrier gives another run at Mega Man. The Blue Bomber dodges Harrier, who crashes face-first into the wall. The sheer shock of impact causes a fourth of the stadium to collapse. People scream as they plunge to their deaths.}
Announcer #2: Well, if this continues we're not going to have much of a fan base left for the network ratings...
Space Harrier: ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Voice: Get ready!
{Space Harrier gets up}
Mega Man: You're... not... HUMAN!!!
Space Harrier: Like it matters, I've killed robots sixteen feet taller than you. The reason, because unlike you, my blaster has rapid auto-fire! {Unleashes a huge salvo of blasts, destroying three fourths of the Arena.}
Mega Man {lunges and punches Harrier straight in the jaw, follows up with a Buster Blast in the chest}: Shut up!
Space Harrier: ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Voice: Get ready!
{Space Harrier gets up}
Mega Man: Wait a second! That voice... your invulnerability... lemma try something out! {taps Harrier with his pinky.}
Space Harrier: ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Voice: Get ready!
{Space Harrier gets up}
Mega Man: Hehehehe. Again!!
Space Harrier: ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Voice: Get ready!
{Space Harrier gets up}
Mega Man: Oh man, this is great! I gotta get Little Mac and Mike Tyson in on this. You'll make a great punching bag!
Announcer #1: Thank God that's over. Well, we here at Battle Arena Nintendo hope that you have enjoyed this fight, preferablely from quite a safe distance in your home. If you were at the Arena, please sign the waiver releasing the Arena from any painful lawsuits caused by... err... a most unique form of audience participation.
Announcer #2: Yes, please do. And we hope that you'll tune in for another exciting episode of Battle Arena Nintendo... but I dunno, the censors and our executives don't like this body count...
What we have learned:
Invulnerability always comes at a terrible price, blonds are dumb, and I can't add fractions.