Battle Arena Nintendo
Battle #20: King Hippo VS Scorpion and Mad Dog
Announcer #1: Welcome to another intellectually simulating episode of Battle Arena Nintendo, play your favorite rock songs of the 80's while reading these transcripts; it's as interesting as seeing the world through the eyes of a kindergartner on LSD.
Dead Or Alive: Hi! We are Dead Or Alive, the two-hit wonder party music band of the 80's and the guest announcers for tonight's battle. We were rockers who looked like Heavy Metal players, but we were active in the 80's, the decade ShadowMan024 just can't seem to escape nor get over.
Announcer #1: Right, you're the ones with all the shit on your faces.
Dead Or Alive: Piercing is beautiful! The ears, lips, eyebrows, tongue, nipples, bellybutton, and even the scrot...
Announcer #1: WHOA! Don't go there. Tonight, the boxer with an one-hundred fifty percent chance of contracting heart disease, King Hippo, will challenge the military and machine gun might of those buff commandos, Scorpion and Mad Dog. Guest Announcers: your comments?
Dead Or Alive: Well, since ShadowMan024 didn't do any research on us besides listening to highly illegal MP3s of our songs that are sure to piss our record label companies, we have to speak collectively which means that we think... OH MY GOD!!! Mad Dog is so fucking hot and shirtless; I wonder if he'll sleep with me???
Announcer #1: Uh, Mad dog is a commando, I don't think he "swings" that way.
{Dead Or Alive snickers}
Announcer #1: What!?
Dead Or Alive: You're so naif; he's in the army, right?
Announcer #1: Yes, what's your point.
Dead Or Alive: Soldiers are just that way. It's so cute too. It's like, they have names like "Rod" start in High School in the ROTC for the scholarship money- they claim- but then they just REALLY begin to enjoy STRICT discipline and watch other guys shower. Mad Dog is SO gonna sleep with me. OPEN UP YOUR LOVING ARMS, WATCH OUT HERE I COME!!!
Announcer #1: Geez, what's with rock band and sexual experimentation?
Dead Or Alive: Ask ClawX.
King Hippo: King Hippo gonna smash you!!! {charges}
Mad Dog: Scorpion: analyze situation!
Scorpion: Yes! One extremely fat-assed pacific islander, Tony RockyHorror , is running towards us. His girth hitting the ring is causing large earthquakes in Siberia. I recommend laser beam.
Mad Dog: Really, I was kinda hoping to go with the rapid fire, but it just doesn't match with what I'm wearing!
Scorpion: It's HOT and I'm TIRED!!!
Mad Dog: Oh, you big Kissder.
Scorpion: Your lisp is back; you are SUCH a homo.
Mad Dog: And you aren't, my favorite fag. Does Machine Gun work for you?
Scorpion: Well, I think my skin's a lighter shade, but I'd do ANYTHING for you.
Dead Or Alive: YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABY RIGHT ROUND LIKE A RECORD BABY RIGHT ROUND ROUND ROUND...
Announcer #1: Dudes, stop playing "accessories" and blow the shit outta Hippo already!
S& MD: Gawd! You're so pushy. Well, we just can't perform under this kind of pressure... OH WHAT THE HELL! we'll orgasm every time we pull the trigger.
{Scorpion and Mad Dog fire. All their bullets bounce off King Hippo and hit S & MD, though not seriously injuring them.}
Scorpion: It looks like we're gonna die. Hold me! { is held} MMMMmmm... I didn't mean like that but it sure FEELS GOOD!!!
King Hippo: DIE!!! {King Hippo stops then suddenly collapses from simultaneous heart failure and multiple strokes.}
Mad Dog: Looks like we're saved!
{Suddenly, the Viet Cong break in and kidnap Scorpion and Mad Dog, confusing the duo with Rambo. SCENE: a military prison}
Scorpion: Well, it looks like we've been captured and will spend the rest of our lives as P.O.W.s in prison. I guess there's just one thing to do...
Mad Dog: Eat the cyanide pills in our navels?
Scoripon: No, silly. Explore our sexuality.
Mad Dog: I was hoping you'd say that. You know what they say about assholes in prison?
Scorpion: They grow bigger ten sizes!!! {laughes}
What We Have Learned Tonight
O' Power of Dios within me, grant me the power to bring the Lesbian Revolution to the World!!!