Battle Arena Nintendo

Battle #22: Darkwing Duck VS The Rescue Rangers

Announcer #1: Hi! and welcome to GAY DAY here at Battle Arena Nintendo, sponsored by none other than that family and homosexual friendly company, Disney. And for some strange reason (maybe the schizoid mind of ShadowMan024) our guest announcer is the Kuros model himself, Fabio!!!

Fabio: Zats vight. Announcer #1 did not know until five minute ago in dressing room how my firm, hard shaft could feel so velvety soft.

Announcer #1: Hey! Keep that between just the two of us.

Fabio: Zoekay. BTW, who makes the crack that Disney is smoking? They are claiming they have the rights to all of the Sailor Moon anime, DIC clearly has possession, and they end eBay auctions. I want this crack; it produces good hallunations.    

Announcer #1: Well, at least their stock is being flushed down the toilet; more kids can identify Pikachu than Mickey Mouse. And tonight, due to a suggestion, two Disney cartoon series turned NES games will battle for no apparent reason other than merciless slaughter!

Announcer #1: What the hell!?

Fabio: Since this isn't Disney sponsored, we can say what we want uncensored. Only problem- Disney could sue for violating intellectual copyrights.

DD Chorus: BETTER WATCH OUT YOU BADASS MOTHAFUCKERS!!! DARKWING DUCK!

Chip: My show had higher ratings than your show!

Dale: Whada mean, "MY SHOW;" I was the one people watched it for.

Chip: You were just comic relief!

Dale: And what, you thought you were serious because you wore a leather jacket!

Chip: AT LEAST I don't wear a tacky Hawaiian shirt!

Darkwing Duck: OK, this is just fucking stupid. {Fires gun, freezes Chip 'N Dale} I didn't know I could do that. What's ShadowMan024 been smoking?

Meanwhile...

ShadowMan024: Man, this is some powerful shit {inhales like a vacuum cleaner}. So, I like... need to figure out how to end this, right Dr.Wily? {Dr.Wily is in bed naked, smoking a cigarette}

Dr.Wily: You were incredible, ShadowMan024, or should I say S&M024? HAHA!!!

ShadowMan: Ohhh... idea! OK, it's like this...

Back to the action...

{Dales breaks out of the ice and throws a large wooden crate at Darkwing Duck, who is stunned}

Dale: Now Chip, I'll put on the CD, you start the dance!!!

Darkwing Duck: What nefarious plan could this be?

Chip: You're about to find out why we're called Chip 'N Dale! Play the Divinyls!!!

Fabio: I hope the Austin Powers Producers don't see this.

{Chip begins erotic dance. To avoid violation of the anti-chipmunk pornography laws, I will not describe exactly what Chip is doing, but it involves a Chipmunk undressing, and then slapping and licking various body parts}

Song: You're the one who makes me go money...

{Darkwing Duck jerks his head}   

Song: OHHH!!!! I don't care about anybody else, when I think about you, I touch myself... I...

Fabio: I will wrestle that chipmunk to the ground, then make violent, yet oh-so-sweet love to it.

Song: OHHH!!!! I don't care about anybody else, when I think about you, I touch myself... I...

{Darkwing Duck's body trembles violently before finally exploding}

Dale: Wow. I guess Darkwing Duck was really a Femme Bot after all. How F.O.W.L. {everybody laughs at the bad joke in the horrible 80's cartoon style}

What We Have Learned Tonight

Divinyls' "I Touch Myself" + Chip'N Dale dancing = roasted duck. We here at Battle Arena Nintendo apoligize that you will never be able to get the image of a chipmunk stripping to "I Touch Myself" out of you head.