Battle Arena Nintendo
Battle #23: Beetlejuice VS The Ghostbusters
Announcer #1: Hi, everybody! This is Announcer #1, ushering in, after long delay, Battle Arena Nintendo - the most religiously offensive program NOT on TV. Our guest announcer for tonight is Kirby, who... hey, where is that pink, creampuff?
{switch to shot on the green room} Kirby: Mmmm... Pastries... {Kirby vacuum cleans everything into mouth including the Forbidden Donut.}
Homer: No!!! Sweet American goodness... Mmmmm... I took a break from a bad cameo in Space Mutants to grab a bite, aw. WHY YOU LITTLE!!!
{Homer starts kicking Kirby, who responds by sucking him up.}
Kirby: PETOOIE! {spits out Homer gobs}Too much cholestrol!
Devil Flanders: I knew you couldn't resist the last bite.
Kirby: Uh-oh. {Kirby goes back to Super Smash Bros. and replaces himself with Jigglypuff.}
Devil Flanders: Time to go to hell.
Jigglypuff: Jiggly???
{Jigglypuff and Devil Flanders disappear in flash of fire}
{Back to Announcer #1}
Announcer #1: I am speechless; Saturday Night Live 1997 was better than that. Has Battle Arena Nintendo really become that tired and humorless?
Audience: HELL YES!
Announcer #1: Shut the fuck up! Remember, we pay you to cheer!!! Tonight, Battle of the Undead. Beetlejuice: The Ghost with the Most, against the the collective force of the Ghostbusters!!!
Egon: I'm sensing tremendous other worldly energy reading here.
Bill Murray: Yeah, like I'm afraid of an LJN release.
Beetlejuice: Ya know, babes{points at Bill Murray}, I wouldn't be so sure of yourselves. You're made by Actvision. We're talking Ghostbusters, Ghostbuters 2, The Three Stooges, Predator. Not an impressive résumé; know what I mean?
Bill Murray: OK, I'm a little peeved. Let's kick some demon ass.
Ray: Hey, what does your name show up as Bill Murray? I'm not listed as Dan.
Nameless Black Guy: That's because Bill Murray evolved beyond his role and has become immortal, while nobody can spell Dan's last name, Arkanoid or whatever, and I'm just an unimportant black male in a horror/comedy movie. Man, I hate these damn stereotypes!
Beetlejuice: Mm, K! Let's see. Haven't done this for a while, wondering, am I scared, do I still got the nack. Gotta think, whadd be scary. Got it! {BJ opens his hands and 8 snakes with BJ heads rush out like tentacles towards Nameless Black Guy}
Snakes: LOOK AT MEDUSA!!!
Nameless Black Guy {turning to stone): Aw man, I HATE being the expendable character! Fuck this shit.
Egon: You just killed the expendable and stereotypical Nameless Black Guy!
Bill Murray: You bastard!!!
Beetlejuice: Hey, Bill? That is, if I can call ya Bill. How 'bout Billy Bob? Anyway, that Weaver girl, know, the chick from Alien? She's something real special. Yep. I got an idea. Why don't we swap for once? You take Lidah and I'll spin around the block a few times with Ms. Ripley, Mm, K?
{Bill Murray responds by firing the laser pack}
Beetlejuice: WHOA! No need to get hostile here, it was only a suggestion. Aw Hell. Speaking of Hell, why don't I conjure up some spirits...
{Arena floods with ghosts}
Announcer #1: Hey, stop stealing our patrons' souls!!!
Egon: I... I recommend an immediate retreat. Let's all walk in a single file line up 30 flights of stairs real slowly by rapidly hitting A then B.
{Plan fails, Ghostbusters get tapped three times and killed. Then The Devil Flanders appears to bring BJ and the ghosts back to Hell, but Jigglypuff stars singing and The Devil Flanders falls asleep. Some sandworms also break through the Arena and the ghosts leave and cause Hell on Earth. Have a nice day.}
What We Have Learned Tonight
Don't sell your soul for a donut; hold out for Heather Gramm.