Battle Arena Nintendo

Battle #25: Duke of G.I. JOE VS Mike Tyson

Announcer #1: Welcome to the world premiere of Battle Arena Nintendo: Season 2!!! More battles, more off-color sexist and racist jokes, more pointless What We Have Learned Tonight! Let me introduce our guest announcer for tonight's battle, Ms. Pac-Man!!!

Ms. Pac-Man: Food... food... food... (she leaves the stand, and travels to the audience section where she starts to eat spectators like energy balls.)

{various screams and general chaos and panic errupt}

Announcer #1: I swear we've gotta run battleground checks on these psychos... Anyway, tonight's battle pits one of the lead members of G.I.Joe, Duke, against the master of bitch-slapping, Mike Tyson.

Duke: Hello, inferior dark-skinned person. God must have painted you black for your crimes.

Mike Tyson: Hello to you, soon-to-be-a-dead-KKK-wizard.

Duke: I am Duke, the perfect speciman of the Aryan race and the ultimate all-american. White skinned, blond hair, blue eyes, and I went to college on a football scholarship. I defend America from Cobra while you bed cheap hookers and down KFC and malt liquor.

Mike Tyson: You're about to find out why I talk like a girl but was never raped in prison.

Duke: I am may be stupid, but America and G.I. Joe conquer their enemies but being incredibly stupid, but having pure hearts, so we always win by blind luck, just like the good ole' US of A against the evil Commies and G.I. Joe against seven seasons of fighting Cobra.

Mike Tyson: I am about to disfigure you so badly Cobra Commander will seem sexy compared to you. Scarlet will never fuck you again.

Duke: Bring in on n*gg*r.

{Tyson knocks Duke's head off with one clean Dynamite Cross}

What We Have Learned Tonight

Being arrogant and stupid against more powerful enemies with higher intelligence and weaponary only worked in the 1980's.