Battle Arena Nintendo

Battle #27: Final Fantasy VS Dungeons & Dragons

Announcer 1: You have returned to Battle Arena Nintendo, the show promised to thrill you, chill you, and fulfill you! (don't sue us, Richard O'Brien!) Tonight we will finally settle the score between which series of games is better: Final Fantasy  or Dungeons & Dragons. With us tonight is AAAA, a light warrior from FF1. Welcome to the show, AAAA.

AAAA: ....

Announcer 1: Why aren't you saying anything?

AAAA: ....

Announcer 1: Damnit! The characters in FF1 had no personalties  whatsoever. What a waste! RINGSIDE!!!

D&D: OK, let's start by making our characters. I just went to the bookstore and bought the Dungeon Master's book and kit for $39.99. It was a real deal. This should only take a couple of hours.

FF: Will you guys start fighting already, we already picked our classes and we have to start killing imps around the castle because we need to be at level 4 to stand a chance in the Temple of Fiends.

D&D: Shit, it looks like I'm out of 24-sided dice. Can you guys wait while I go to Kmart?

FF: This is Dungeons and DRAG-ons.

D&D: And when the hell are you guys going to have THE final fantasy?

FF: Big words from a game that you can beat in five minutes!

D&D: We had our own cartoon show.

FF: And it blew, that's why ABC aired it at 6:00am on Saturday morning. We have a fully animated motion picture that nearly bankrupted Paramount Pictures, but it will be worshipped as a god by our fans and makes a billion dollars worldwide.

D&D: I'VE HAD IT!!! (flips through rule book) You are in a dungeon, you lose your footing and fall to your deaths. HAHAHAHA!!!

FF: This is reality. FIRE3!!!

Random Mortal Kombat Cameo: Toastie!!!

D&D: Ugh... This isn't over yet, if you think D&D takes too long to play, explain FF1 Chapter 2: The Elf Prince!

FF: Err... That was originally going to be 2 parts...

D&D: ALL LIES! We had a full length motion picture with Jeremy Irons and Richard O'Brien.

FF: But Richard just had a cameo appearance, you Tolkien rip-off! And, A WAYNE'S BROTHER!? What the fuck were you smoking!!!

D&D: But he DIED!!!

FF: Hm, true, that WAS the best part of the film...

D&D: Oh my God! Look behind you, it's a dead corpse!!!!

FF: AH! DIE, FOUL THING WHICH IS ALREADY DEAD. I MUST KILL IT!!!

D&D: Fool, your attack is ineffective. And PlayStation 2's FF Online will not defeat EverQuest. D&D online will consume the world.

FF: You must be joking, we'll lose to PHANTASY STAR ONLINE before we lose to you!

D&D: At least WE don't have incomprehendable time-travel story loops!!!

Announcer 1: Sorry to break this up, but this is taking too much time. I understand that your both RPG's and want this fight to last 60 to 100 hours will a myriad of characters, quests, and plot developments, but JUST SHUT UP AND KILL EACH OTHER ALREADY!!!

FF: Very well, it's time for the ulimate attack. HEY, EVERYBODY! D&D HAS THE PROTOS OF FFX AND XI ON THEM!!!!

D&D: YOU BASTARDS!!!

(Millions of people tramble over D&D looking for the games)

FF: HAHA! Foolish D&D, you thought you could compete with SquareSoft, the Almighty GOD of RPGs. Your sin is worse than Nintendo's decision not to license any FF games for Gamecube because of its bad feeling over FF7 on PlayStation only. NEW FLASH: It would have sucked ass on the polygon obseessed N64. SONY has ENIX and SquareSoft; there will never be a good RPG game for Nintendo EVER AGAIN. MWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!

What We Have Learned Tonight:

Dungeons and Dragons is Satan Worshipping