Battle #29: Nintendo Tetris VS Tengen Tetris

Announcer #1: Welcome to the Temple of Death- Battle Arena Nintendo! Tonight, years of bad blood between Nintendo and Tengen will finally come to an end, as each company's version of Tetris will duel to the bitter end. Will Nintendo reclaim its honor and prove that its version of the game was better or will the now-defunct Atari remain the champion?

Announcer #2: This is totally lame, that ShadowMan024 doesn't write us a decent battle in over half a year and FINALLY comes back with this shitty idea...

Announcer #1: Stop that! It's work, isn't it!? A lot of things sound better in preplanning than are actually executed.

Announcer #2: Like X-Men: The Movie.

Announcer #1: Exactly. And the Superman and Joel Schemaucher Batman movies.

Announcer #2: And the live-action Scooby Doo movie and the live-action DragonBall Z film.

Announcer #1: Ugh! No amount of money (even $100 million) can make that a good film. May God save us all.

Announcer #2: Everytime you make a live-action film based off a video game or cartoon God kills a kitten, which is good since cats are the demon gaurdians of Hell.

Announcer #1: Why do you always say such mean things!? Don't you care at all about the people you hurt?

Announcer #2: FUCK OTHER PEOPLE!!!

Announcer #1: {gasp}

Announcer #2: ... I... I only care about you.

[cue Man-kiss. The announcers thrust their hot tongues into each other and exchange warm saliva.]

Announcer #1: Come, let us make sweet love while flower petals fall from the sky...

Announcer #2: But, I'm afraid. Our love is forbidden and doomed. Our love-making will be painful and I'll cry because it hurts even though it feels so good.

Announcer #1: Don't worry, you are my bitch. Now... spread your legs!

[zuki*...zuki...zuki...zuki...]

Nintendo Tetris: ph33r NT's l33t muzak trax #2!!!

Tengen Tetris: Very impressive, but it cannot handle match our excellent 2-player mode. And your use of block cubes is horrible. Our single color blocks are much more gorgeous.

Nintendo Tetris: A gorgeous fighter never loses a battle!

Tengen Tetris: Hey, don't go quoting Vega! [Balrog to our Japanese readers]

Nintendo Tetris: Time to die! Legal Papers Toss of Doom: Cesist and Desist Order!!!

Tegen Tetris: HA! We blocked it with a Straight Line by activating our secret code during "pause"!!!

Nintendo Tetris: Is it just me, or are our powers nearly equal?

Tengen Tetris: Ya know, I was wondering the same thing. I get a feeling that we really are similar and that the past yaers have exposed small differences hyped up by the media and crazy old skool fanboys.

Nintendo Tetris: Yeah, fighting sucks. I'm going to go preplan Final Fantasy XII and work of Kid Icarus 2 for GameCube.

Tengen Tetris: About damn time! We're going to try to reactivate the company and create innovative games again.

Nintendo Tetris: Later!

Tengen Tetris: Take care!

Announcer #1: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Announcer #2: It glimmers, and looks like a spider's web...

Announcer #1: Hey, what's that wisping sound?

Announcer #2: Oh sweet Jesus! Clancey has returned to life as a Tentacle Monster!!!

Announcer #1: Shit, my ass can't take the pressure! What about yours?

Announcer #2: Don't worry, I used Richard Simmons in prison and goatse.cx to increase it 12 times over!!!

What We Have Learned Tonight:

Right now, Pchan has creamed in his pants twice while reading this. :D

*Japanese has a lot of words that represent sounds. "zuki" is the sound of a penis being thrusted up and down the rectum. Aren't you happy you know that?