Battle Arena Nintendo:

Battle #3: Roll VS Dust Man

Announcer 1: Hello carnage fans! Welcome back to the barely-renewed Battle Arena Nintendo, so much gratuitous violence, that last time, around 40,000 people's brains DID explode!

Announcer 2: Yeah, really. Who knew that Mega Man and Space Harrier, protectors of humanity would eliminate thousands of innocent people in their fateful duel?

Announcer 1: The network executives were NOT happy about that, let me tell you. I had to give our president head to keep us on the air.

Announcer 2: Uhhhh.... Anyway, we're back with a new, exciting match-up! To determine once and for all who has the most powerful vacuum, Roll, the sister of Mega Man, will take on the nefarious Dust Man of Dr.Wily!

Announcer 1: Uh, I don't think Dust Man is very nefarious; I mean, what is he going to do, you can stop him put throwing pennies into his tubes.

Announcer 2: I'm sure he'll mange; our combatants are entering the Arena now, and it looks like Roll is being cheered on by her creator, Dr. Light, and by Mega Man!

Announcer 1: OH MY GOD!!! HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET IN HERE; HE'S GONNA KILL US ALL!!!

Announcer 2: Take a chill pill, Dave, it was all Harrier's fault; the match is starting.

Dust Man: Take at look at my vacuum, Baby. (turns it on, sucking Roll to him) Come to your lover.

Roll (kicks Dust Man in the head): Back off Trash Man!

Dust Man (jumps over Roll, landing behind her): You know you cannot fight it; we're made for each other!

Roll: The only thing you were made for was some serious ASS-WHIPPING! Ginsu Knives attachment blast! (sticks into Dust Man)

Dust Man: My love... you've hurt me! But I forgive you, (overpowers Roll, holding her) kiss me!

Roll: Not on your life! (struggles) Ugh! Can't break free!

Mega Man: Sis, let me help you!

Roll: Hell no, I am a powerful woman warrior! Females of the world will no longer be keep subservient by their male oppressors! (head-butts Dust Man)

Dr. Light: My God, I must have programmed a psycho-bitch chip in Roll!

Announcer 1: Cool, if this keeps up we might get some hot, lesbo action later.

Dust Man (jumping back): that's it, if I can't have you, no one can! I'm gonna suck your body into my dust compactor! (turns on vacuum)Mmmmmm... suck... suck... suck... suck...

Roll (bracing herself against the pressure): Ahhh!!!

Mega Man: Here Roll, some loose pocket change! (throws it to her)

Roll: I can't, it would be a setback to women everywhere!

Mega Man: You'll die if you don't!

Roll: Oh, all right! (throws the change into Dust Man. His vacuum makes odd noises, then explodes.)

Dust Man: You dyke! Hah, I'm still not defeated. It will kill me, but I will use all of my energy to blow you away with my compacted Dust blast! (charges up) Fire!

Roll: I don't think so. (turns on her vacuum cleaner and absorbs the dust) Oh my God! It's so incredible! Mmmm... Your powerful device has made you famous, Dust Man, but your tubes are shattered. Watch in agony, Fool, as I go from suck, to BLOW!!! (Fires dust back, hitting Dust Man)

Dust Man: Noooooooooooo!!! (explodes brillantly)

Mega Man and Dr. Light (running to hug Roll): You did it!

Roll (runs past them): Samus Aran, my sexy cyborg! (gives open-mouthed kiss to Sami)

Announcer 1 and 2: Rock on, Roll!

What we have learned

Behind every great woman, there is a greater man.

*Note* I hope you all enjoyed all those lesbian, sex, and sexist references as much as I enjoyed writing them.