Battle Arena Nintendo:
Battle #4 Little Mac VS Doc Louis
Announcer #1: Welcome to the deeply meaningful Battle Arena Nintendo, where we just saw Roll and Samus Aran get it on, and we don't mean fighting, eh, Number Two?
Announcer #2 (moaning, while is hand is under his desk, and his chair is rocking): O' Roll, Samus, give it to me... Ohhh... girl-on-girl action!!! Hmmm... {suddenly stops} AHHHH....
Announcer #1: Uhh... right. OK, now we continue the death toll with The Fight of The Former Boxers, Little Mac VS Doc Louis!!! Care you explain their story to the audience, Number Two... (stares) Hey, is that hair gel on your ear?
Announcer #2 (wipes it off): Um, no, of course not... Anyway, Doc Louis trained his pupil boxer Little Mac to beat Kid Dynamite himself, Mike Tyson. Unfortunately, as of result of the duel, Little Mac suffered irreparable brain damage. Little Mac holds Doc responsible, and they will box to the death here tonight.
Announcer #1: Well, I'm putting my money on the little kid; Doc Louis is an out-of-shape, fat tub of lard.
Announcer #2: I'm gonna after to go with Doc, on account of he's black and Mac's white.
Announcer #1: Hey, don't you think that might be a little racist?
Announcer #2: Do you know any good white boxers?
Announcer #1: There are no good white boxers, my friend. (pause) Oh, I get it!
Announcer #2: Let's go ringside, Mac has already entered, and we await the arrival of his former mentor.
Announcer #1: I almost forgot to mention, after teaching Mac how to fight, Doc retired to his pad in New York, where he quickly discovered the seductive nightlife of the city.
Announcer #2: You don't mean...
Announcer #1: Yes, Doc discovered the pleasures of women. Now's he's a pimp-daddy, selling his women for both carnal and financial pleasures. And tonight, The Mac Doc Daddy will be escorted to the ring and cheered on by his army of bitches, hoes, and whores!!!
Female Chorus: Who's that sexy black man with that deep Barry White voice and a hot ass? It's Doc! Doc! Doc!
Doc (entering the ring): Oh yeah, only my woman understands me!
Hoe #1: Oh Doc, your 'Fro inspires me. Teach me how to love, Doc...
Doc: I will, Baby, but first I must open a can of whoop ass on this petty white boy!
Little Mac (in a high pitched squeal): I'm not going to let you push me around anymore; you're gonna pay for what your "training" did to me, and worst of all, you made me wear that pink jogging suit. My friends thought I was a fairy!!! {punches Doc repeatedly in the stomach, to no avail}
Doc: Hah! Eating chicken wings and Malt liquor has made me fat like King Hippo, my belly can handle your puny left jabs. Now take a double fisted, over-the-head smackdown! {connects}
Little Mac: Ah, you hurt me, Doc; I can't win...
Doc: Stick and move, stick and move, BITCH! {deliverers an uppercut}
Little Mac (spits out blood): Wait! If you're like King Hippo, you have a glass jaw! {nails Doc with a right cross to the mouth}
Doc: Uhhh... Join the Nintendo Fan Club today...
Little Mac: And now to finish your patsy ass off! {prepares your right uppercut}
Unknown Hoe: (pushes Doc out of the way and kicks Mac in the balls)
Little Mac: Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!
Unknown Hoe: Don't you hurt my creampuff of love!
Little Mac: Who the hell are you?
Unknown Hoe: I'm Doffy, the baddest one-chick hit squad this side of Harlem, and I'm gonna hurt you worse than a KKK wizard at a Black Panthers rally!
Little Mac: Yeah, you and what army?
Doffy: With my AK-47, when you absolutely, positively after to blown away every motherfucker in the room! {unloads ever bullet on Little Mac}
Doffy (blows away smoke from the barrel): Mmmm... accept no substitutions. {smiles}
What We have Learned Tonight
Hollywood's portrayal of African-Americans is 100 % true, also there are no good white athletes.