The Adventures Rocky & Bullwinkle & Friends

My God! I think I am having a heart attack; I can't believe how unnaturally, ungodly, unfucking SHITTY this game is. Undoubtedly the WORST NES game I've ever played!  But wait! T*HQ made it so I really shouldn't be surprised. Normally I don't include screen shots, but you know what is said about desperate times...

Hey everybody, look and marvel at the FANTASTIC graphics!!!

Hiya, everybody, I was made by kindergartners using Mario Paint!

BLACK SQUIRREL POWER, BABY!!!

Hey, Rocky, what time is now? Time to quote Nintendo Power, Issue 100. The staff at NP actually voted us the tenth WORST game on a Nintendo platform of all time. Let's see what they had to say about the game.

"If only Boris and Natasha had succeeded in blowing up this stinker the rest of the world would not have the tainted memory of Bullwinkle being pelted by boulders because the game's play control was about responsive as a dead mouse."

Honestly, I started writing this review about a month and a half ago and now that I'm getting back to it, much of my intense hatred has dissipated. Let me go play the game again....

DIE!

The graphics are just so wrong! This game was released in 1993 and this is what they came up with! ARRGH!

You want sound, you want music? Well too FUCKING bad! The only (dull) BGM music for the game takes about 10 seconds to play and repeats endlessly.

About that dead mouse: press the jump button, do the slow cartoony bouncing jump. If you stop moving, naturally you keep on moving for a few more feet. Satanic programers allow enemies to run you over continuously like a matlock truck that hits that unfortunate possum and keeps its rotting corpse trapped in its grill. In other words, one hit easily becomes a string of hits that sap away all your life, like chessy 23 hit combos in street fighting games. 

Hm, what do I have to say about T*HQ. Devil in disguise? I wouldn't be surprised. Not even one of their games pleased anyone ever. People wonder how a company that made nothing but bomb games stayed in business. Amazon.com makes more money than T*HQ does. I must point how the "does" because T*HQ still makes crappy N64 games in Japan. Twisted, bizzaro games that don't make sense and Nintendo of America has enough intelligence not to import them to the USA and pollute our beautiful, trash-laced shores with even more garbage.

Rating: Rocky & Bullwinkle doesn't deserve the effort to come up with rating.